Balance is a Myth: A Realistic Look at Work, Motherhood, and Leadership

Every time I’m asked how I balance work and personal life as a mom of four boys, I feel a mix of emotions. I love the question because it reflects a shared experience for so many women. But it also breaks my heart, because the idea of “balance” sets us up for failure.

The reality is, balance—at least in the way we often talk about it—is a myth. We cannot be 100% at work and 100% at home simultaneously. There is only one of us, and no matter how much we plan, structure, and optimize, there will always be trade-offs. When home life is chaotic, it impacts work. When work is demanding, it affects home. That’s not failure; that’s life.

I have a messy house. I have missed calls, emails I forgot to respond to, and texts I meant to send days ago. My kids have forgotten their library books at least 100 times, and I have rescheduled meetings more times than I can count. All the plates cannot and will not spin at once.

And that’s okay.

The Myth of Balance

Rachel Hollis articulates the elusive nature of balance, stating, "Work/Life balance… its description implies that those two things live in harmony, perfectly divided up on the scale of your life. My work and home life have never, ever been balanced evenly on any level." This perspective underscores that striving for perfect equilibrium between professional and personal responsibilities is often unrealistic and can lead to unnecessary stress.

Embracing Imperfection

Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of authenticity and self-acceptance: "Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance." Acknowledging our imperfections allows us to navigate the complexities of work and home life with greater compassion for ourselves.

Redefining Success

What success and leadership look like isn’t someone who has unlocked the secret to “doing it all.” It’s someone who knows when to say no, when to set boundaries, when to ask for help, and when to be transparent about what’s realistic.

I have struggled with people-pleasing and spent years saying yes more often than no. Recently, in my moms' group at church, I felt a deep conviction: Am I saying yes to please others, and by extension, placing the fear of man above the fear of God? I cannot do it all. Now, I pause and ask myself, Am I saying yes because I truly want to bless someone else, or because I feel obligated? Recognizing the motivation behind our decisions allows us to make choices that align with our values rather than out of fear or guilt.

The cost of the mental load when I overcommit is heavy. I have always had an "I can do all things" mentality, which can strain relationships. Why do I manage all the appointments, class schedules, and birthday party requests? Why do I not ask for more help with the kids? My husband and I sat down recently because I was overwhelmed. I had been silently saying yes to responsibilities in a nonverbal contract rather than writing them down and asking for help. He had no idea the weight I was carrying, and I had no idea that I was closing him out and not allowing him the chance to support me. Open communication has helped us share the load.

I am also terrible at accepting help, but I have learned that it is the only path to success. My talents are specific, and asking for help in my blind spots and areas of weakness is what makes our house hum on good days.

Rachel Hollis encourages a shift in focus towards personal growth and resilience: "Embrace your imperfections and use them as fuel for growth." This mindset fosters a more sustainable approach to managing multiple roles, emphasizing progress over perfection.

Cultivating Self-Worth Beyond Productivity

Brené Brown challenges the notion that our value is tied to our output: "In a society that says, 'Put yourself last,' self-love and self-acceptance are revolutionary." Prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries are essential components of a fulfilling life, countering the pressure to constantly produce.

Instead of striving for balance, let’s strive for sustainability. Let’s talk about how workplaces can better support working parents, how we can normalize asking for help, and how leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about prioritization.

I don’t share my mess, my mental load, or the complexities of my life for pity. I share it to open our eyes. The Instagram world of beautifully curated homes, perfectly behaved kids, and magazine-cover women is fake. The truth is that we all have a mess behind the scenes. Real success isn’t about doing everything—it’s about knowing what truly matters and making space for it.

For Women’s History Month, I want to encourage all of us to stop chasing balance and start embracing boundaries.